I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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