I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
