Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
