When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
