Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
