it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
