i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
