If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
