yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
