Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
