um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
FUCK WHALES
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
