How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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