he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
