It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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