i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
