i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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