He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
