Porn is love you can see.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize