fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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