I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
