Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
