That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
