SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
