I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
