Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
