Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
