I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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