a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
