We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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