WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
