If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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