Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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