I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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