apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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