I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
