Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
