Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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