Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
