Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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