Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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