If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
