He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize