I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
