Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Boobs speak an international language.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
