well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
