I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
