oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
