I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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