you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
