We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
