If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
