I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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