It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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