I am full of burrito and curiosity
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize