Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
