Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize