Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
