New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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