you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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