addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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