Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Someone came in the potted fern
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
