Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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