nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I could make wine with my vomit
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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