I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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