Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
