mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I can't put those talents on a resume
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
