I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
